Why Self-Trust is My Excalibur
I Love Entering The New Year!
Hope. New life will come. It beckons self-reflection and creating intentions, two things I adore. This year in a daring goal to burn old journals to make room for the new, I am present to something else instead. I have been writing pretty similar things for awhile now. Can anyone relate to that? My core values jump out like they are highlighted on the page, because seeing repetition after years makes things pretty obvious.
I may still have some ancient journals lying around somewhere, but in my lost years most everything physical was also lost. At some point I will share more about that time, but the short story is I gave my heart to someone who was not a safe person. In its wake, September of 2013 to be exact and at 33 years old, I was diagnosed with cancer. I started saving journals shortly after. I will call it my conscious rise back to the light. I had to fight for everything, my life- no matter how rational or irrational that interpertation was, walking again, my brain/ healing mind control, my sanity, coming back to the world after complete isolation …. and every physical form of stability we may be so privileged to have in our lives. But what stands out to me as I read these journals was not the adversity. It was my unfaltering spirit. I was the same person as before. Even though I got lost, my core truths were consistent. So were the underlying lessons I was grappling with!
One of my biggest life lessons is self-trust. I have way too many times aligned myself with value systems, teachers and even strong personalities that sounded great, but did not ultimately feel right in my bones. And over years of doing that (and the unconscious self-abandonment it caused,) my struggles continued, I plateaued in survival mode, and my health deteriorated. There were some other things at play. I was recovering from codependence. I had massive blind spots about my constitutional differences as a Highly Sensitive Person (with constant empathic and psychic experiences) in a non-Sensitive’s world. I was living as a female while in my heart I am more a male. I was a Creative through and fucking through, but without enough outlets. I was a new entrepreneur coming back into the coaching world, only this time completely on my own, with much I needed to learn and mature through. These are a few ‘getting to know and be true to myself’ influences, besides my lesson of self-trust alone!
In February 2023 I am about to complete the most emotionally Intensive course of my life! Haha. God bless Compassionate Inquiry. Dr. Gabor Mate has been one of my greatest teachers. I hope everyone can come to understand how universal and pervasive trauma actually is. Because, no matter how loved we were, most of us did not feel seen, understood, or safe to be ourselves, at least on some levels when we were young. Doing the healing work to face those emotions and underlying damaging beliefs we made up about ourselves when we were young, is a game changer.
For me, many blessings came from the program. It took my coaching practice to a whole new level by gaining the skills and tools to include somatic healing, to have an educated conversation about the influence of trauma, and to go deeper to support my clients when they feel stuck. I’ve been blessed by the friendships I’ve made from class. I also had incredible sessions with volunteer clients, who reaffirmed to me one’s own inner-healer is the most powerful force there is. But my biggest lesson was learning how to identify and understand the things about the program that did NOT work for me. Doing that kind of deep digging in practice sessions every week for one year was too much. It could have done more harm than good. But I pulled back and moreover, it helped me realize something huge. It isn’t the question of whether to do your healing work or not, that matters. It’s what do you really need given where you are? Much like everything, it’s more like a scale. Many people avoid self-reflection and facing the inner-work of healing their childhoods, negativity, limiting beliefs, or victim mentality. Many people don’t even know that how they perceive the world could be altered! It’s a privilege to be exposed to the healing path and courageous to take it. However, many other people, particularly the deep-divers, Empaths and Highly Sensitive among us, have been working on healing ourselves for too long. Then, it may be time to stop focusing on healing and start living again. This over-focus on healing can be an unconscious, ‘I’m not good enough, I need to fix myself before anything good can happen’, kind of mentality. I am most certainly in THAT category. Doing my inner-work saved me. But a continual over-focus on healing would be quite detrimental. Haha!
I have always believed the formula for healing and wellbeing is YOURS. It is uniquely your own and will not look like anybody else’s. And while we may all be blessed to find people, schools, modalities, methods, teachers, and communities that really resonate with us, it can be most empowering to take the parts that work for us and leave the rest. I myself, need to lean more into what is already inside of me as a creator, artist, intuitive, coach, mentor, healer and mystic. I want alone time with a blank white page, the forest, and my future wife, not 13 new books. Haha. And I want to go dancing, and play! LIVE. Many of my clients find me because they are wired much the same way. What’s within you and calling out? Do you long for more space? What would you do with that space? It fits to quote myself from February of 2014, as I lay in bed healing, post-surgery.
“Be brave enough to go your own way without crutches.”
Despite any other appearances, what I am really doing is I getting my PHD in self-trust. I know the pitfalls very well. Therefore, I am a good teacher for anyone wanting to trust themselves more and lean fully into what is calling them from the soul level.
In this New Year I am honoring the Erin of 9 years ago who swore to God, “If I make it I will serve, I will live, I will heal, I will help!” And dude, I was that person BEFORE I cried out in desperation. But I am NOT about the old paradigm. I know it was never Spirit asking me to self sacrifice or martyr myself. That was my human who stayed in a dangerous situation to the point I could not go on. I remember cutting out a magazine image of a flower that said “It’s My Turn Now.” I meant it then. But after 9 years of devotion, I know HOW to do it. I know how trusting myself FEELS. I will still shake, doubt and be bucked off wild horses, but I’m crazy enough to get back on.
After the last 9 years of self-trust lessons here are some non-negotiables for 2023: if it’s complicated, I am not interested. If it is wicked mental, no thanks. If it doesn’t resonate, I don’t lean in. If it feels heavy or lifeless, with wayyy too many steps, nope. Fear-based, depressing, and covertly shaming? No more of that crap. Boastful, entitled and inauthentic? Nah Dawg. But in all honesty, and venting aside, the whats don’t matter. The whats will occur to each of us in an entirely different way. What serves each of us totally varies. Nothing is perfect, nothing is the answer. Your answer is the only answer, but it’s just for you. What could be toxic to me could be perfect for you, and later we could reverse places! This New Year is about what feeds me, what is life-giving, what lifts me up. I am life-giving, I am joyful, I am generous, and I know my worth. This year is about receiving that back, and helping my clients choose the same. More space. And of course my sword Excalibur, SELF-TRUST. <3
It’s the old paradigm to buy into the pride or holiness of overworking, being burnt out, constant sacrifice and needless suffering. It is the old paradigm to work like a dog, even on yourself, or to give endlessly and receive nothing back. I am not saying that we don’t face extremely difficult situations sometimes. And I am not saying it’s easy to unhook from lifetimes of old paradigm conditioning. What I am saying is the alternative could be worse, and those kind of wake up calls are not easy to come back from, I know. You deserve SO MUCH MORE. While pain is inevitable, needless suffering is not. Lets level up together, in this flicker of time to be alive.
IT’S YOUR TURN NOW.
Don’t participate in something that flat out sucks and is not absolutely necessary. Make it personal. Make it about you. Change starts when you choose yourself, and choose your OWN way forward in self-trust. It won’t be delivered by a stork, guardian angel or passing someone else’s test. Believe me, I tried everything else. HAHA. ;-)
So, what feeds you? What gives back to you? What do you REALLY need? What will it take to choose yourself? Let’s call it in together, and make this our year. 2023 BABY! HUZZAH!
Love Erin, Your Loyal Knight
PS. There maybe a name change in my future… thoughts? My actual first name, not Your Loyal Knight. HAHA. RAAAAAA. Excalibur!
PPS! I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR WHATEVER THIS STIRS IN YOU, IN THE COMMENTS BELOW!
We learn from each other. All of your stirrings are welcome here. <3
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! 2023!
I knew this approach was the missing link for me.
Last February, I entered the graduate level intensive called The Compassionate Inquiry Training Program for Practitioners. While I'm in the process of becoming certified, I am able to offer this life-changing healing method for free. Let me tell you about what CI healing sessions are, and what to expect from them. For more detailed information, scroll down to my September Newsletter below.
Compassionate Inquiry helps us unlock and break free from unconscious limiting beliefs. These beliefs are usually blocking us from creating what we need, despite our best efforts and attempts at living consciously.
How does it work? It's Somatic Healing/ Somatic Experiencing, i.e. informed by what's happening in the body. We identify your healing intention. Then, we explore your 'felt-sense', what's happening in your body, to guide us. We tune into your physical and emotional experience, which leads us to your unconscious limiting beliefs.
When we become aware of these limiting beliefs and release them on a cellular level, we can actually FEEL well again, not just conceptualize it. We can understand and have compassion for our coping mechanisms, negative emotional states, relationship triggers, addictions, and illnesses. We can release our pain physically and emotionally. Now we can experience our wholeness, innocence, worth, well-being, vitality, and connection to our internal guidance. We can bring our original healing intention to life.
If this resonates with you I encourage you to book a session and try it out. We go at your pace, and it can be an opportunity to have some loving attention towards whatever your main concerns are right now. Also, if you know someone who could benefit from a Compassionate Inquiry Session, please pass it on. Thank you!
To learn more or book a session, contact me here or email me at Erin@MudToMajesty.com
I am sending you all my prayers, blessings, and love. <3
Hello Dear Ones,
I am with you. I hope you are well. I know, sometimes it seems life does not play nice, or fair. it can be damn hard. So much trouble is happening right now on this planet, it can be scary as #@^%!*. Add being sensitive, empathic, and having desire for a conscious life… and you are a brave and remarkable soul.
Right now I have friends and family in the direct path of a hurricane. I am holding them in my heart. I feel too far away but in prayer. I’m living in an affordable housing crisis in Maine that is affecting so many of us. I’m watching it seem increasingly difficult on the earth plane to find our hearts, yet follow them! And I am needing extra patience to let my body fully heal, after a journey of my own.
But I am also present to my faith, my faith in the healing process, and my faith in those of us who come back to faith, even when we give up, come back, give up and come back again! Last night I was speaking to a new friend who is in school with me for Compassionate Inquiry for Practitioners. Her healing journey has been out of this world. And what touched me most was her steadfast humility in it all. She kept showing up. We do actually get there, (to a place of true peace and wellbeing) if we take the steps. And it is one step at a time. We walk in the dark with our hearts pulling towards the light. We ALL have an inner healer who pulls, who calls, who will not give up on us, even when we give up on ourselves. It is hard, it is endless, and then eventually, (mostly not through a single strike of lightning,) we simply can’t remember the last time a hurricane tormented us on the inside - in our minds- our bodies- our emotions- in our soul. Instead, we feel well. It’s not perfect, it’s not over. But it’s steady. It’s gentler now. We feel ourselves. We know ourselves.
My two sense is don’t give up. Even if you do, or want to give up, get up again. Uhm, I’ve been there. it’s like me throwing a boomerang off a cliff and having it come back to knock me on my ass. To my senses. Keep going. Believe you can heal.
Ask Spirit, ‘help me believe I can heal, help me believe I am getting somewhere, show me you’re with me. Make it undeniably clear and obvious.’ Whatever it takes. Spirit will open what your protective self may’ve unconsciously tried to keep tightly closed. Spirit can help you receive some medicine and comfort. And I am here with you in solidarity. I committed to healing, I signed THAT contract. I believe I can heal. And the winds may have their way with me because I asked for this, HAHA! But small miracles happen everyday, for myself, and the others I find walking with me. We are not alone as we stumble in the dark. We are in good company.
So now for the important question, what’s up with the sword? If you know me, you KNOW how I feel about Archangel Michael and his sword of truth. Because love can be fierce, love can be non-negotiable, and we all deserve the protection and grace of love’s true strength. I am praying that you may feel protected and held in whatever way works for you, whatever way YOU need most. Be it Mikey, the woods, playtime, your bestie, some time OFF, that annoying PULL in you that will not let you disappear ;-). Your inner guide. Magic. Good people doing good things every day. Your pet. Your children. Your capacity to love despite all odds….
I trust your soul. I trust your human. I trust where your path going. I trust where your heart wants to take you. Let it. Ask for the support to let your heart lead you. <3
ALL MY LOVE,
Erin, Your Loyal Knight
SPECIAL FALL OFFER
This Fall, I am offering Free Compassionate Inquiry Sessions as part of my certification process. If you’ve been interested in Somatic Healing, or to have some healing TLC time to receive, please accept my offer. It is my honor to meet and work with you. Email me at Erin@MudtoMajesty.com or through my contact page.
What Is Compassionate Inquiry®?
Compassionate Inquiry® is a psychotherapeutic approach developed by Dr. Gabor Maté that reveals what lies beneath the appearance we present to the world.
Using Compassionate Inquiry, both the individual and practitioner unveil the level of consciousness, mental climate, hidden assumptions, implicit memories and body states that form the real message that words both express and conceal.
Through Compassionate Inquiry, the client can recognize the unconscious dynamics that run their lives and how to liberate themselves from them.
“The purpose of Compassionate Inquiry is to drill down to the core stories people tell themselves – to get them to see what story they are telling themselves unconsciously; what those beliefs are, where they came from; and guide them to the possibility of letting go of those stories, or letting go of the hold those stories have on them …. That’s what Compassionate Inquiry is.”
~ Dr. Gabor Maté
Book a Free Somatic Healing Session with me! Why? Because you deserve to receive, and ‘your time’ is when you take it. Plus, toughening up or just pushing through is a rough way to relate to yourself. Healing can be hard but it can also be, well, HEALING! Going it alone is not only overrated, it may be impossible. That’s my experience, anyways. I would not be here without an entire tribe who have loved me every step along the way. I want to give back and help you on your healing journey too. We all deserve healing attention and healing space.
CONSIDERED A WELLNESS COACH?
Choosing to work with me is making your wellbeing the priority.
This is why people hire a Wellness Coach. It is making a commitment to identify and meet your core needs and getting the support to follow through, be successful and THRIVE, the way you deserve.
People come to me with many different concerns.
It is whatever affects your health and wellness. You may want to look at relationships, or unhealthy relationship dynamics, (I have an unofficial PHD in the recovery process from narcissism and energy vampires of every variety- and it is a game changer to learn how to be on the other side of this for good!) an unhappy job or work life balance, chronic illness or burn out. You may want to access your inner knowing, follow a call to creativity, purpose, entrepreneurship, etc, to improve your health, energy, clarity or emotional state. You may be ready to love and value yourself more.
Who I work with:
I always say ‘my clients pick me, not the other way around’. They usually just know. If you resonate with me and want to reach out, please do so. Most of my clients identify as being spiritually inclined, sensitive, empathic and concerned for others. These super powers bring their own challenges that I am uniquely qualified to support you in.
What You Can Receive from Wellness Coaching:
*Unlike therapy, coaching is focused on positive forward momentum towards your wellness vision. Coaching and therapy are both great options to add to your integrative practitioner dream team. We all deserve a dream team!
"As my Health Coach, Erin has shown more compassion, intelligence, and integrity than I can express in a few sentences. They have created a space for me to learn a new approach to my physical and mental health. With their professional support and guidance, I have found new paths to my own truths." -E.M.
Erin Dolan, NBC-HWC
National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach
Certified Integrative Health Coach
Certifying for The Compassionate Inquiry Approach for Somatic Healing
& Aka Your Loyal Knight
MUD TO MAJESTY
Health and Wellness Coaching
Why do I call myself Your Loyal Knight?
Because you’re SOVEREIGN. You’re the one true expert of your life. May I, and the others you choose, be a supportive presence, Your Majesty. <3
First off, I have news. You’ll find all the links below. I will be speaking at the virtual I AM WellMiss Experiential Summit on Saturday, April 2nd, 2022 from 1 - 5pm EST! It is designed specifically for women, and is a queer and genderqueer safe space. I have dreamed about a platform like this, where our sacred vulnerability is treated like the courageous and woke act it is, where we can have support demystifying trauma, and what it means to be strong and successful in this world. Also, I am currently accepting new clients. In case you’ve been wondering what exactly Health and Wellness Coaching is, I go into detail below. I’m offering a seasonal discount if you respond directly to this newsletter. Lastly, i’ve published a new blog about awakenings in my own healing journey. It’s certainly influenced by being in school with Dr. Gabor Mate, a world leader in helping us turn towards our emotional pain as the way forward in healing. Deeper still, this blog reflects my own inner knowing. It’s the inner knowing I have denied and returned to many times as I learn how to embrace - what is happening now - as the way home to myself.
And for You, dear traveler on your hero’s journey home,
May Spring bring healing to you. Spring is the beloved transformer. It calls out the sleeping parts in us. New life breaks through the dead layers, what’s outdated, what’s not serving anymore. It can bring loss, sudden endings and beginnings. It can feel like internal conflict, heightened emotions, aggression and restlessness! And on a planetary level, I know you’re feeling the world’s pain. Our mother is in anguish. Our brothers and sisters are in danger. This is devastating. It is happening everywhere. We all feel it and are affected by it. I seek refuge in my hope.
I believe in the revolution of love. We each contribute to this revolution by doing our own inner work. I believe in each of our capacities to heal and grow. I also believe there is nothing more important a human can do than to heal. It’s to face our broken places, feel our pain and our inherent value. It’s to give ourselves the love we always needed. Every single time we do this it matters, for ourselves and for others.
I offer you this. Focus on your victories of truly caring for yourself, no matter how small those moments seem. 5 minutes of loving, self attention can transform an entire day of hell. The healing vibration you give to yourself is medicine for the whole world. Each and every loving moment adds to the New Paradigm of wellbeing. We are building this Paradigm together. May we all make and receive this medicine now, and when we need it most. I’m with you in this, shoulder to shoulder.
May you get just what you need this Spring. Trust your gut instincts. Invite in the change you soul is calling for. Revel in the self care you need and deserve right now. No more somedays. It’s your turn now, please take it. I will do the same. No more apologies. No more agreements that hurt us. It’s our time to heal for ourselves, for our parents and grandparents, for our loved ones, world community, for our children and their children. REVOLT. Love is revolution and Spring calls us home.
<3 Your Loyal Knight
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Erin Dolan, NBC-HWC
National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, Certified Integrative Health Coach & AKA Your Loyal Knight
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ERIN DOLAN, NBC-HWC National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, Certified Integrative Health Coach & AKA Your Loyal Knight
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For the deep feelers:
ERIN DOLAN, NBC-HWC
Check out my support group
ERIN DOLAN, NBC-HWC